on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
