I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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