im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
