Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
