You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
