remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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