My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
