yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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