Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think my moral compass just broke
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
