Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So squirting runs in the family.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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