As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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