at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
