Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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