Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She told me I should be a condom model.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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