Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
