you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
