on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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