I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
