I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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