he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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