vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
