Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
