like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
