tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there was a trapeze. enough said
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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