I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
