So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
