see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
