I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
