Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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