Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
