I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
4 words: hood of his car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
