It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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