sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
