he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
