I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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