So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
