What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
