Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
