Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
