what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
