I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
