On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
