The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my mouth tastes like poor choices
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
