i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
