Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want to fling myself into the sun
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
