you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
