So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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