I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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