He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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