I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
