3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
