but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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