I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
