Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
