It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
