I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
