I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
