haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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