she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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