five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
