he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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