how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
