my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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