I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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